When I was 13 years old I did something very wrong. Back in the day in my middle school was fucked up trend: slaping girl’s asses. I didn’t have the courage to do it myself so when we had family reunion I decided to practice with my 5 years old cousin. When I was playing with her I slightly spanked her butt over the clothes multiple times. Then I continued with slightly pulling her pants down and then I slightly spanked. Once I had pulled so much that I saw her private parts and in that moment I had realized that I messed up. Since then I have never repeated such disgusting behaviour, yet my guilt and selfhate for this action has been slowly increasing.
Nowdays with my cousin I have good relationship, I sometimes help her out with school work. She doesn’t seem to be uncomfortable around me.
Am I a disgusting person?
Alright, so I’m going to be honest. This is a fucking minefield.
You need to take this to a therapist. Any unqualified advice here has the potential to be destructive.
Delete this thread and do not speak of this to anyone until the day of your appointment.
I was trying to find the words but couldn’t. Op this is the best advice you’ll find here.