If you have ADHD and autism, it might increase the risk of substance abuse/addictions in general. Some papers on it: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23897915/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5222913/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3965675/
Excuse me, but sometimes, I just want to be angry and not “rationalize the causes of my anger”. I think it’s fully okay to be pissed about something and wanting to vocalize your anger without immediately neutering it by “expressing” the thing that made you angry instead. I would even say that trying to extinguish your emotions constantly will cause you to explode like a pressure cooker one day. You are just invalidating your own emotional reaction. Same thing applies when someone hurts me. You hurt me, goddamn it, I am gonna tell you why I got hurt, but most importantly, I am going to express how much I got hurt.
You can try setting up Ollama on your RPi, then use a highly-quantized variant of the Mistral model (or quantize it yourself with GGUF+llama.cpp). You can do some very heavy quantization (2-bit), which will increase the error rate. But if you are only planning to use the generated text as a starting point, it might be useful nevertheless. Also see: https://github.com/ollama/ollama/blob/main/docs/import.md#importing-pytorch--safetensors
Here are some pre-quantized variants of Mistral 7B: https://huggingface.co/TheBloke/Mistral-7B-v0.1-GGUF
(all the tools and models I have mentioned in my comment are free and open-source, and beyond that, require no uplink during operation)
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I had a brush with both alcoholism and video game addiction before. Good to hear that you don’t have to deal with any addictions.
I think what could really help is having a tight circle of friends. When you have nothing going on for you in life and you are not really looking forward for anything, it might get you in this circular thinking of “my life is ruined because my brain doesn’t work right” and really focusing on this thought and seeing your neurodivergency as the root of all discomfort in your life, which may then manifest itself as suicidal thoughts. I have been there and I sometimes still have such episodes because I don’t get what I expect from my friends. So yeah, this is of course no easy task, but try to find people that will enrich your life with new things. Try to find things you can look forward to. You can say that it’s just coping, and it is, you are trying to disassociate from the pain of living with autism, but there is no other way around it; you can’t solve autism, you can only cope with it. There is no shame in coping with something that you cannot change.
Hang in there! If you try, it can only get better.