I would like to add a description (details), but it would be a very long text.
In short: I have depression, multiple chronic illnesses, C-PTSD, ADHD (btw, I could treat it with Adderall/Adderall XL, but there all drugs are banned, even for medical purposes), no money to rent on my own, poor physical and mental health, some basic things I don’t have money for, I don’t have a computer and it seems that my laptop will soon broken…
I can’t go to a psychologist because… the quality of education and medicine in this country is terrible, and it’s dangerous to say “everything” here, my mother recently worked, but now she’s left without work and starts doing some kind of crap, she was the one who brought in the income until this time; she feeds me fast food. In this country everyone doesn’t give a sh*t about each other, I am surrounded by “broken” people, this is a country full of cynics, sociopaths, and narcissists (consider mentally ill… and genetically defective, apparently).
Like this… I am spoiled, my life and my future are spoiled.
People have already offered you some good advice and I just want to send hugs and love from a fellow Mordorian.
I think before you start something, you may want to balance your mental state first. Not improving but balancing it would be a good start. I know that would be hard without proper medication and care, but still.
What worked for me was having several days or even weeks off Internet, social media, and being as far away from other people as possible. To avoid drama (you might know what I’m talking about), I would invent some reason to stay alone that wouldn’t raise suspicions in them like having to study or help a friend with some project. Then I would try to focus entirely on my body not thoughts, maybe take a walk or listen to fav bands in a way when you let music replace your thoughts so that it becomes your thoughts.
Actually, this resembles all that meditation shit, and sometimes it helps. Your goal is a detached attitude that you can use to make plans without having to consider any unnecessary feelings.
Once again, you’re not alone, I love you, and more people around are open to love than you think.
I recently read the advice of using social media/reading the news every day for a maximum of 30 minutes and it helped me. Not only did I, let’s say, calm down a little, but I also stopped wasting time all day long.