Or, would you say most women actually perfer submissive men?
To be more specific, I’m talking about men who are submissive in their role in the relationship as a partner and also sexually.
It’s an interesting, I guess, maybe taboo sort of topic that I would like opinions on.
Thank you for reading.
I like submissive men, and generally am downright turned-off by dominant men. Am I the norm? Probably not. I think there are more subs than Doms just in general, but especially among women
But I’m just answering your question as presented. Another has already commented some decent love advice if you’re asking about this stuff as pertaining to you
I will add, though, that while strictly in a D/s dynamic, women are subs more often than Dommes, in any dynamic that strays from BDSM, the submissive tendencies are just sort of a spice when they come up, and that, if you’re using the word submissive to describe a man who isn’t conventionally masculine (Or maybe toxic masculine), you’re probably better off. We wanna feel safe with who we’re with, and outside of BDSM, you’ll probably have better luck as a gentle, emotionally intelligent, confident person. Some people might describe that as submissive
In new relationships where the topic of kink hasn’t come up yet, there also tends to be an expectation that men (even those of us that are submissive) be dominant to some degree. It often leads to formative behaviors where men who want to be submissive play the switch role at best. Another reason why there may not seem to be as many subs as it appears. It’s a hard habit to break.
This is an important point to make, for sure. Things like this will be greatly impacted by things such as cultural norms and expectations, so any statement that says “There are more D men than D women” needs to come with the caveat that there are likely biases in these observations, and that culture and upbringing have an impact, either deciding the ratio, or skewing it
I do tend to default thinking of men as Dominant, and that is in no small part due to culture, but I’ll add that this assumption is specifically outside of the kink community. In BDSM spaces specifically, I expect most men to be subs, but my own experiences could also be because I attract the guys who are looking for their “goth mommy dommy” 😅
Hah, oh no. I’m sure there’s been no shortage of kink “tourism” from guys on the goth mommy front, too. But hey, if it normalizes masc sub behavior, I’m all for it 🤷♂️
Yes. My current dominant personality is a mask I’ve worn for so long it just feels like my face.
Society has lots of such things, especially around gender roles. And the man-as-top sexual role is about as deep as it gets.
I lost three girlfriends as a result of revealing my submissive side. The middle of those three, we even got together on that basis (both of us on acid, her tying me to her bed literally before the first time we kissed).
So I just stopped.
Sorry to hear that. I’m sure it’s especially difficult for those who want the lifestyle outside the bedroom too. My ex was the type that expected me to muscle up (I’m a big person) if someone was mistreating her while we were out instead of de-escalating or walking away. Obviously, that’s not my style, not to mention a good way to get killed.
I’m not looking to play the role 24/7 in a relationship, but it bleeds over enough into everyday life that I feel I can’t get to a point where I have to keep it secret.
I think the observation that there’s more subs than doms, generally speaking, is a salient one and one worth keeping in mind. I honestly wish I had been told that when I was looking actively for a dominant partner because like, yeah you’re almost definitely right it’s just not something I’d ever really thought about bc it’s so much easier to contextualize your own struggle than try to think about the bigger picture