As a kid, I learned to “pause” my true self. School was the pause, and my hobbies, dreams, and passions were the unpause—something I’d rush back to during lunch or after class.
Over time, the pauses got longer. Tiredness and responsibilities crept in, leaving little energy to unpause at the end of some days.
At work, sometimes the pressure and the demands were so relentless that I couldn’t unpause for weeks or months at a time.
Then came marriage, fatherhood, and the joy—and work—of raising a child.
I want my son to get to know the real me but I worry that by the time he is grown I won’t have any “self” to unpause to.
The world has changed significantly since you were your kiddo’s age, but it sounds like you might be stuck thinking you can regain the things you’ve lost. Time only goes one way and you have to find new ways to live and express yourself.
Look for parts of your life where you are just killing time. Browsing social media, watching a streaming service, playing video games, etc, and see if you can do less of that. Look at what things you buy and see if you can buy less, used, or local to free up some budget for pursuing other interests. And if you feel tired all the time, get some exercise, it really does help with fatigue over time.
Both your partner and kiddo can also help, they would prefer a happy, authentic husband/dad and probably would support you if you asked them for specific assistance.
Ultimately you have to make it a priority or nothing will change.